Thoughts on an April Day.

This whole thing has been a complete terror. I know that everyone quite gets why it has been so dreadful to me, but I'm not sure they really feel how I'm feeling. I can't expect them to. My closest friend has been completely severed from me, from manipulation and wooing of sorts. I know God is not to blame, as he is working his good through this. In the moment, however, it seems like this fact isn't as powerful as it should be. I feel ignored, slighted, mistreated, blamed, and everything synonymous with that. It's not some boiling anger, but it's a sort of quiet agony, writing discomfort, and quiet submission. 
No, I am not blowing this out of proportion. I could have done that out loud and long ago. Instead, this is the truth but in silence, so now it is all being revealed. My heart clenches within me and my eyes begin to water when I realize that the person that God has so blessed me with is slowly becoming numb in our friendship. External circumstances and happenings have begun to grab her hand and slowly pull her away from me. I am so blessed, but this lesson I am being taught is not what I ever wanted. I try to preoccupy myself, I try to fill my time with other happy things, but at the end of the day, I remember what is happening. The words are not the same. The disagreements have been way too enormous to push under the rug. Forgiveness only goes so far in our fallen human selves. 
Right now, we are left with two creatures, both incredibly hurt and confused, with not enough energy to discuss it any long. I don't feel as if there can be any reconciliation. The only thing that can is the spirit of God filling us with love, understanding, patience, and kindness while we approach each other. The spirit has the power to do that, but I'm not sure if it is planned to happen in this situation. Right now, it takes every fiber of my being to simply smile at her. In some sort of distorted way, I wish I could be dishonest and smile all the time. Yet both what is in my heart, and the weight that rests on me, is pulling me down so much that not even my frown can relax, or my heart to stop leaping when I see her. I cannot be happy because of what is going on. 
 Honestly, looking at this all, I can see a light in my future, a light I always know is present. I cannot look away from my self long enough to notice it all the time, however. Right now, I do not know what to do practically and immediately, but overall I must love just as Christ has loved me, at the same time as protecting my heart, but forgiving. Giving it all over to Him, because he cares for me. He has put this in my life for a reason. I am just not sure what it is yet. But maybe that is the point. 
To remember in all of this: God is sovereign over all.